29 April, 2008

HAPPY MA-DONNA DAY!!!!

today is the day americans can buy the new madonna...six months from now i will be able to as well...enjoy it kids!!

i got a TV cable HBO and i have just left my house for the first time in two days...i can't stop watching...had i not needed food...anyway

within the first hour of watching i saw myself in a commercial...then over the past two days have seen the same commercail like twenty times...it plays on MTV and HBO.

anyway that's india so far this week. i work tomorrow and again on friday.

i saw the darjeeling ltd. it was perfect!!!!

25 April, 2008

for your pleasure

some random things for your pleasure:

an agent called me last night and asked how old i am. when i said "38" he said "oh, very bad" and then disconnected.

people love to ask what i miss the most bout home...of course family and friends is first...then comes MUSIC...i hear it makes "the bourgeoisie and the rebels"...i really miss music...i miss my CD's...i miss getting the latest CD's...i miss the funky jams!!!
western music here consists of Queen, George Micheal, akon, Enrique, Shakira...i miss bjork, radiohead etc. etc.

i have a couple lizards that live in or around my apartment. in the beginning was really freaked out by them. now i like seeing them. they all have names-there is a left-eye lopez. lizards are good cause eat bugs. i seem to have a gnat problem at the moment, i am just hoping left-eye gets busy on some gnat d' hovers.

i also have living my window sill a pigeon, his name is broken wing, cause-on-a-count he has a broken wing. he seems to be a ladies man, as everyday is joined on the sill, they spend the whole day grooming each other followed by dirty things.

i bought a TV. when the sales man asked if i had any questions the only thing my lazy ass could think of was "does it have a remote?".

i saw the following movies recently..
"wedding daze" (amazingly funny),
"Dan in real life" (great great great),
"Horton hears a who?" (god i hate Jim carry. this was one of my favorite sorties as a young and they screwed it up, i did however like the political overtones to the film, that was smart!)
"the spiderwick chronicles"...which was kinda good but not really, it was entertaining and the girl was a fencer, so that's points. the movie posters for the film all say "coming this Christmas", it opened here last week.

here is my favorite headline from this mornings paper..."Christina Rucci sexually assaulted by a chimpanzee"

i have diarrhea. i haven't worked all week, hence all the movie watching.

i met a guy that owns a gym near my house. i am supposed to go see it next week. the dues are rs.150 per month which is $3.00 US.

in the morning paper there was a story 'bout a lady whose husband is sent to prison. she becomes a lawyer to help defend him. she got him out of jail. one month later he, upon seeing that as a lawyer her status was now higher then his, kills her.

when "M. night shyamalan" is talked about here..they make a point to use his full name "Manoj Night Shyamalan".

here is a map of mumbai...i live near the bottom of the big green park area...goregaon east...from my place to the bottom of the city takes about 40 mins by train....but i never go there except to make cheap phone calls to the US.

20 April, 2008

a death, a monkey, a penis and a prince!

Hanuman Jayanti!!

today is the birthday of the monkey god Hanuman.



and now on to this...last night i went to a party and the 'gay Oprah prince' was there we totally hung out and he said i should come out to the palace sometime...too funny me at the palace....

in the paper the is a column for sex advice called 'ask the sexpert' (so original) and basically people (boys) write in with really stupid questions (i kissed my girlfriend, do you think she could be pregnant) and the 'sexpert' doles out really bad advice (see a doctor). one time a girl wrote in and said..."i have a big vagina, not deep, but big, like it sticks out, like a small penis, it looks like a penis, in fact, i think i have a penis, what should i do". it's been three weeks i can't stop laughing....

my camera died...i dropped it and it smashed to bits...i am totally gutted.

enjoy your day...Hanuman is the remover of obstacles, so if you have any in your life pray to him today and they will be removed!!!

19 April, 2008

shopping

here is what my market bill looks like this week:


tub of oatmeal rs.97.02
indian dessert mix rs.27.72
100g butter rs.17.82
indian potato chips rs.23.76
curry paste rs.15
cashews 500g rs.290
fancy bakery bread rs.28
button mushrooms .19kg rs.23.28
fancy pasta-gnocchi rs.135
garlic .09kg (2cloves) rs.5.55
rice 1kg rs.18.50
tiger biscuit cookies rs.10
pasta-elbow rs.75
coat hangers rs.86
cutting board rs.149
3 eggs rs.6

us $1 = rs.39

across from my house is a shopping mall, the ground floor is a poorly laid out supermarket, called Food Bazzar. the employees are really rude and have very limited knowledge. the bag boys throw your stuff in the bag, it almost seems like they are trying to break shit. supermarkets are sort of new to india and they need to practice how to run them a little better. i also do a great deal of shopping at Hypercity which is like a target. it is much better run but futher away. they sell everything. half the stuff above came from hypercity and half food bazzar.

aside from shopping...i did a voiceover this week and it was actully fun. i was also in the film. it is the one where i am killed by a puppet. i didnt get to see that scene but the movie looks kinda good and kinda bad all at once. booked in the studio after me was shahid kapur. i wanted to wait but they said he would be an hour late.

i will do a tally at the end of the month but so far this is my highest grossing month in bollywood. scary!

16 April, 2008

tootin'

i have a million things to tell ya'll and now that i sit here...i can't think of one.

so the "Internet cafe" that i blog from has been running really slow lately and some days they are just not open so that's why the blogs have been few and far...

yesterday i worked on an ad-film (commercail) for a cable channel here in Mumbai called "Ferangi" which is a fancy word for "honkey". they play all western shows and movies dubbed in Hindi. i played Sherlock Holmes, not to toot my own horn, but i looked good when i watched they play back. speaking of horn tooting....the best part of the day was i got to hang out with all the "permanent western crew of actors"...i like them all...they always have fun stories, teach me how to get more money for work and have been here for years and years, so they give me hope or maybe show me that living here can work out. they are fun fun guys.

anyway there was this one guy, i had never met before, and he kept saying "not to toot my own horn" and then would talk about himself for like four hours straight...it was funny and sort of sad. he has written a book based in India, i was really interested in hearing how he did that (got it published) because i may have...possibly...sort of ...started writing something...that may be nothing...or something. i, of course, have already written my acceptance speech for when i win the noble prize for literature!

oh and one time horn tooter was telling some story, about himself, and his shirt was sort of hanging open and his nipple was sticking out. i kept thinking, how do i ask him to put away his nipple (cause it's making me gag)...i couldn't find a classy way.

last week i auditioned for the singing cowboy, which i didn't get. i got another part in the same ad-film playing a mad scientist(i think). i didn't really understand the premise but being the amazing actor that i am i pulled it off! there was nothing special about the shoot except that i made bank.

i heard this song on the radio and it really stuck in me head so i just googled it to find out more and it is actually by this guy i knew when i lived in Atlanta. we were kinda friends. "king of my castle" by the wamdue project. (video below)

i went for an audition today and when i got there they had me fill out a questionnaire that was mainly about what "blood group" i belong too. i said "will i be bleeding on set", they, in a confused manner, said "no". they described the part as "a guy nobody likes, a real mean guy"...i thought great, I've been type casted yet again! so the audition, after the blood group questionnaire consisted of them taking my photo and nothing else...the crazy part is that to get the audition, i had to send them my photos and it just so happened that today, i was wearing the same green shirt that i have have on in the photos i had e-mailed them. oh India!!!

as probably none of you, except my mother, know one of my favorite things in the world is reading the "brides" section of the Sunday paper. i love seeing what jobs people have and what loser honeymoons people go on: an example...a couple from Philadelphia will honeymoon in Wildwood at the Jersey shore (which is a redneck trailer park beach an hour from Philly)...in India there is no brides section but they do have a "matrimonial" section. this is where you post when seeking a bride or husband for your son or daughter....and its good...the guys are all looking for slim tall fair homely girls (homely meaning domestic, not ugly). the women are all looking for h'some tall MBA'S with Visa's to the USA. i decided to create my own profile in the style of these ad's...here is part of it:

they all start "SM 4" which means "seeking match for"

SM 4 h'someish, extremely fair guy 31/8/69 8:35am 38/172. USA educated semi-established in mumbai (goregaon east). family of high repute...

i end with "religion/caste no bar, no dowry req."

to explain...the ads all have the date and time of birth so the horoscopes can be matched... "38/172", i am 38 and 172cm tall...saying your "foreign educated" is a big plus...i loved saying EXTREMELY fair...family being of "high repute" seems to be a big deal....and all the desperate people end with "caste no bar" which means that even people poorer or below them in social status can apply...

so i have i mentioned i have a lot of free time....

king of my castle...

08 April, 2008

schizo!

alright so i am still very much alive....i just have not felt like blogging...sorry.

things are going really really well...working less, but on much higher paying jobs...so that's great.
i bought socks. and a bowl and mug. and my life isn't as boring as that sounded...i don't know what to say its been so long.

i went on an audition today to play a cowboy in an nokia ad...when i got there they handed me a guitar and said its a SINGING cowboy...they video taped the whole mess. god willing it will end up on youtube...i sang country roads.

i did an Air-tel Ad-film last week and played a roman guard.

yesterday i did a promo video for a local university where i played a professor. it was set in the future and felt very Woodie Allen sleeper.

so a professor, singing cowboy, roman guard...i am professionally a schizophrenic.

take care...keep the dream alive!!!
(remember boycotting the Olympics is the right thing to do!!!)