29 October, 2007

accents, parties and hemorrhoids!

dear readers...(firstly, i don't have, roids, read on)....secondly sorry i ve been busy this past couple of days and been blog slacking...this may be a long one...where to begin...voice-over...it was for this film called "something" "something" "something" goal...about a football team that travels to UK for some games..we had to do back ground voices...it SUCKED...it took 12 hours...and my british accents SUCKS...it was retarded...but at the end they paid me 6000rs ($120us)which rocked!!...i did the team doctors voice....i place a call to the team captain and say:

"johnny this is doctor greg...i just checked sunny bashils charts and it is very dangerous for him to play, he has a hairline fracture to his nose, johnny he is just not fit to play" and then earlier in the film i say: everything checks out fine...welcome to whitehull" so its a real actor on film but i am his voice...sunny is played by john abraham who is the hot hot actor right (google his photos you'll be glad you did)...he's just released a film called 'no smoking' which is this new breed of movies releaseing here which are "anti-bollywood song and dance"...it's a good film but bizarre...i saw it saturday...but i am getting ahead of my self...voice over was 24th wednesday...thursday i was off and didn't really do much...

friday my agent called at 5am and asked me to come do a film...so i went and it turned out to be a jesse metcalf film...hes the gardener from desperate housewives...its called 'other end of the line'..it sound terrible....so we go to this five star hotel are put in this room and there we sat four 8 hours and then told we could go home...never got used and never got to see jesse...but i still got paid and speaking of pay i asked for a raise at the suggestion of my actor friends and now my daily rate is 700rs up from 500rs...it like $4us but it increases my profile and its a bad habit to convert into us dollars because to ya'll four dollars is nothing but 200rs is important...so i was happy cause i had to ask for the raise and it felt uncomfortable to do anyway....let move onto saturday...went to see no smoking got a copy of shataram which is the new hot india book...johnny depp is doing the movie....anyway everybody read the book...its good...so it sells in the shops for 500rs and i found a photocopied bootleg on the street the guy wanted 400rs for it but i walked away after haggling with it for 120rs...went to dinner with my friend david then to a party where most of the people had just come from seeing beyonce...tickets didn't sell very well and they said she was sweating so much it looked like she pee'd her pants...i should have gone!

sunday i had a shoot...it was at a jazz lounge that was supposed to take place in Toronto....i had to dance...i was talking to the actor telling him that i had seen 'no smoking'...i asked what he had been in recently and he said "jab we met" and in my head i realized it was the film that opened opposite "no smoking"...so basically i told the lead actor of the film that i went to see the competitions film opening day and not his...i am winning so many friends!!!

today i did another soap...it called rhaki (rocky) it was fun i was a business man again...the lead actor is very famous and ignored me...he had hemorrhoids and everybody had to rush around looking for his haemorrhoid pillow...whenever he sat down he would say in english.."oh that burns"..i almost pee'd myself...can you imagine..i took a photo of him holding the pillow.

we got done early which is nice and which is why i can write the longest blog ever...and i still have more to say...it will have to wait...the next two days i am back on the film of the star i insulted...

oh i am having trouble getting photos uploaded...i will try...i love ya'll

23 October, 2007

can you guess...

....what the hose is for??

fingers crossed...life is funny

the sun will come out tomorrow...hopefully...i just got a call from a "fellow actor" about a job tomorrow...its a voice over which are the sweet gigs to get...they normally take only 3-4 hours and PAY BIG!!

so he asked if i could do a british accent i said no he said "it pays 5000rs" ($100) i said "pip pip cheery o'"...so hopefully i can fake it and make it...he said "its India what do they know about a british accent"...i didn't mention that whole colonization thing

monday i did another dance scene for a movie..the actress looked like a man in a BAD dress i told some of my indian friends...they got really upset...ooopppss!! she was kinda alwful all day then at the end she came round and said thank you to everybody..then i kinda loved her and her man body in a bad dress.

today i did a scene for a film that stars a famous indian TV personality...he was really nice...it's his leap to the big screen...it's a thriller action film...the best part was that it was shot at the airport that i flew into. i remember just 22 days ago arriving and learning about my missing luggage and crying in the cab hoping india wasn't gonna kick my ass...and hoping i hadn't made a mistake coming here blah blah blah...and now...i'm a star baby...life is funny!

oh and two of the people at the shoot today said they saw me on the soap i did...that felt really really cool...sort of the closest i've come to some weird kinda fame (so far)...life is so funny!!

when i am at the shoots i have really been asking people different things to say in hindi...the language is starting to make since...but then i just tried to order dinner and the waiter just looked at me and said..."in english please"

can i say it again...life is funny!!!

next post will be photos!!!

21 October, 2007


so this won't be a blog about my career but it will be about bollywood....so i had friday off and i went to the movies (research)...first when you buy your ticket you have to pick your seat from a chart...then after the coming attractions everybody has to stand for the national anthem...which is a really bizarre song with parts for a man and woman...so the film starts...it was in hindi so i just have a rough idea of what went on...a woman was possessed by the devil...the film is called Bhool Bhulaiyaa and it stars Shiney somebody...who was the star of the first film i worked on...so that was kinda fun cause i've talked to him...and after the film i worked on he slept with this western girl i was fast friends with...so anyway back to Bhool...it was really long 2 1/2 hours with a 15 minute intermission...during the movie everybody talks to each other, talks on their cell phones, acts like the film isnt even happening and yet are really really into it...the film soundtrack has two of my current favorite songs "Labon Ko" and the title song, Bhool Bhulaiyaa, which has the hari krishna chant to a rap beat...i bought the soundtrack and i also got one to "OM shanti OM" which is the new SRK film opening next week..in the cd are photos from the movie and i know two of the indian extras! below is a short clip thats shiny singing except the people in the film dont really sing the songs its all lip snycing...

19 October, 2007


the week started as my weeks do a 8am call time to meet my agent in front of mcdonalds to go to some studio in a suburb of mumbai. i get there and there were many other western folks milling about talking...where you from...how long you here...blah blah blah...it was supposed to be a film shoot but i heard the kids saying something about a TV ad so i asked what we were doing...turns out it was an tv advert for jet airways a new airline ya'll will be flying soon...its cheap and hip...yada yada yada...anyway turns out the star of the advert was to be SHAH RUCK KAHN...ok who...well he is only the fucking brad pitt of indian...hes actually bigger than brad pitt...he is really the star to help usher in this current wave of bollywood fun that began in the early 90's...he's BIG and i was gonna work with him...and i did and it was great...he completely ignored my existence in the way only a megastar could...i couldn't have been happier...i was star struck. i got to be his stand in...he brushed my arm and almost ashed his cigarette on me...i could have died...we were in a scene together...just he and i...and this commercial will play all over asia!! below is a small clip of the awesomeness that is KING KHAN...and yes thats what he is called here...

17 October, 2007

to the left

beyonce is in town next week and i am feeling like a stupid american cause i kinda wanna go....but at least i am not going to see chillonaire when he is here this weekend!

this is the hottest song in india right now...you here it everywhere...all the kids sing every word perfectly...i asked this guy in a resturant where it was playing if he knew what the words meant, he said no...i said its kinda dirty, he asked if he should take it off

16 October, 2007

test patterns

so i am testing to see if i can post photos...do you see anything below...if so there is more to came

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

14 October, 2007

fresh faces of bollywood

not much going on today...jeez that was kinda of a boring start...keep reading it will get better....so i went to a party last night it was at a "nightclub" and everyone kept buying the "american' drinks so my heads a bit done in today...there were two sides to the nightclub, one that played american music (bon jovi) and the other that played bollywood hits...it was so fun to watch the kids dancing...i met an american from DC and we are going to be friends...he's lived here for a year, working at a school...his apartment is paid for by the school...i need a gig like that....as much as i love the bollywood thing i need to find something "real"...i also met an indian guy that writes for a bollywood magazine i told him to do a segment on me..."fresh faces of bollywood"...he said "maybe"...we are going to be friends as well

on friday i had an audition for a film...i know right...anyway it was ridiculous...cause i keep waiting for people to realize that i am not really an actor...but they aren't...and now my agent is saying i should summit my photo to modelling agencies...i know right...watch out tyra here i come...it seems that most of the travelers here are 20-25 so my niche is that i am "older"...finally it may pay off...so anyway the audition was hilarious cause i have no idea what i am doing...anyway i am sure i wont get it...but for five minutes it was fun to let my mind run wild with the idea.

tomorrow i am doing a commercial...which i am excited for...and tomorrow night airs the TV program i worked on last thursday...

so thats india today...don't dream it, be it!!!

13 October, 2007

not feeling well

it's hot here. it's really hot here. I sweat all the time. walking, standing, and even while showering. the heat has really been kicking my ass.

so dripping with sweat i then stop in shops, museums and cafes etc. where the air conditioner are at full blast. that in combination with the dust and traffic fumes has left me with a bit of a summer cold...

i went to the chemist and got some pills...

the best part of permanent vacation is that i can lie in bed all day and its ok...

so now at 3:31 in the afternoon i am feeling better.

do fries go with those sticks!

Last night marks the beginning of Navratri...a Hindu festival celebrating someones death or rebirth or marriage to a monkey...who can tell. the main activity around this holiday is "clicking of sticks"...people gather doing these dances which include clicking Navratri sticks...the sticks (two of them) are about the size of drum sticks and are covered in elaborate fabrics with embellishments of ribbons and piping. there is a routine of about 5-6 steps which all include and clicking of the two sticks together. when you get a street of devotees all clicking...the sound is powerful...knowing the festival was coming...i wanted sticks...

i enjoy McDonald's. i know this sends shivers down the spines of my hipster friends and fellow travelers but i am an American. a child of the 70's. McDonald's is a part of who i am. McDonald's restaurants are plentiful in India but the menu is completely different. They serve no beef (yes!) or pork (dabule yes!!). They have menus items like McLoo Tikka (my favorite-20rs) and Majaratia Mac (155rs for combo) and there cokes are served with no ice -which is strange with it being 800 degrees here.
eating at McDonald's in India:
a: is pretty safe as far as cleanliness goes
b: keeps me western-so many people traveling here are on a journey to disconnect from the western world-which i totally get it's just not my trip
c: i eat 3 meals a day-21 per week-if 2 or 3 of those are from McDonald's and keep me from being totally homesick than so be it!

the other day feeling peckish i headed for the golden arches. i got a combo. the cashier said do you need sticks...huh?...with every combo meals this week you get a free set of Narvrati sticks...(yes!)...god bless you McDonald's and god bless you Hindu god of stick clicking...I'll see you at the festival...I'll be the one with McDonald's sticks and a full belly!!

did you just give me the curry finger?

indians eat with there hands...and only the right...i feel very indian today as my fingers are now stained curry yellow!

brush your teeth, brush your god damn teeth

i had to buy toothpaste today. i planned on getting some crazy indian brand but it looked really scary so i went for colgate (28rs)...but it is salt flavored. the scary part is that it's kinda good!

12 October, 2007

i cant go to brooklyn, i am famous movie star

one week here and i am famous...ok maybe not famous...ok maybe not even well known...but i AM working...and that's a start...

on monday i had my film debut dancing...yes dancing...in a bollywood film...i did that for a couple days then yesterday i worked on a tv series...

this guy approached me on the street and asked if i would like to be an extra in a film...its a popular thing here, i had done it when i was in thailand as well...they take anyone...except fat people...yikes

so we arrive at the studio and they sort push you around put you in place and yell action...very confusing but totally fun...i am meeting tons of fun indians and some western folks as well

07 October, 2007


i am here...sorry it has taken so long for me to post...

the flights here were not bad but the lay overs killed me...my bags didnt make to india until a day later so my first day here was sort of gross i had been in the same clothes for 3 days...3 looong stiiinkkky days...but if your gonna stink, there is no better place than mumbai...i had forgotten about the smells...it's loud here!

alright thats it for today..i will start blogging...tomorrow...speaking of tomorrow i am going to be an extra in a bollywood film...and i get paid...500rs ($14us)